I will never forget that first line of A Purpose Driven Life written by Rick Warren. I read that book years ago. The simple and profound statement weighed heavy on my heart then, and even more so now.
We live in a culture of self. We are constantly bombarded with self serving ideas. The media promotes a belief that we are deserving of whatever our heart desires. Advertisements, books, magazines, internet sites, movies, games, and a host of others try to persuade us daily that we need more to be happy. Yet, the more we have, the more we want. It is a never ending cycle of greed and selfishness.
We are led to believe that our lives would be so much better if we were just more attractive, thinner, smarter, nicer, popular, successful, better educated, earned more money, had a bigger house, wore nicer clothes, drove a new car, etc. When we evaluate our situation, we are discouraged because we fall short of what the world tells us we should be.
I have health problems that often prevent me from doing things that I would like to do. I am not always able to participate in activities that others enjoy. On top of that, I struggle with depression and anxiety. Talk about selfish! Whew, depression can toss you in a pit that you feel like you will never climb out of. It will put the entire focus of your life on yourself and how bad you feel. When I am overwhelmed by these feelings of insecurity and hopelessness, I know that they are only temporary and that these feelings are not the truth of who I am. Sadly, most of the time, I can't seem to apply what I know in my mind to how I feel in my heart. If I allow myself to dwell on the negative thoughts and feelings, they quickly grow into a darkness that becomes unimaginable. It is hard to find your way back when you feel that alone and desperate.
I tend to become very emotional and needy when my depression and anxiety are at its worst. I hate that side of me. I prefer to be independent and strong. I guess everyone does. That isn't the way it goes most of the time. Usually, I just long for my husband to be caring and compassionate and tell me everything will be ok. Or, I want my friends to remind me of who I really am. I just need someone to make me feel loved, appreciated, and valuable. I want constant reassurance. The problem is, people get tired of the same sad cycle. They don't want to repeat the same things over and over. If they don't have emotional issues, they don't understand and quickly become frustrated. As you can imagine, that only fuels the "poor me" fire. The bottom line is that you can't count on anyone else for your happiness.
I have realized over the years that I depend too heavily on other people to validate me. It is up to me to break that cycle. The approach that I have been using is to replace the negative thoughts with truth from God's Word. It isn't easy. I can't say that I don't still get depressed, or that I don't allow the thoughts to enter my mind. What I can say, is that I don't allow myself to stay in that depressed state too long. I try not to wallow in my feelings of despair. While the thoughts still come, they don't stay as long as they used to. It is progress. For that, I am thankful.
It's not about me. Wow. Just sit with that thought for a minute. It will really make you think and touch a place in your soul that you may have kept hidden for a while. If it isn't about me, then what is it about?
Well, it is about learning who God is, and who I am in Him. He has given me everything I have, my life, my thoughts, my family, my friends, my income, my home, my ability to breathe, see, hear, and speak. Everything I have, and all that I am, are because of Him. Too many times I look around at all that He has blessed me with and I am tempted to think that I had something to do with it. Oh, how wrong I am! I can do nothing without Him. Other times, I complain about what I don't have or what I have lost. What I should do is praise Him for every good thing I have ever enjoyed in this life.
Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.
Let's get back to the world view of entitlement. Do I really deserve all of the great things money can buy? Do I deserve anything good at all? Absolutely not! I am deeply flawed and not worthy of God's precious love and bountiful gifts. Yet, I am so grateful for them.
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
I have to keep reminding myself of just how valuable I am. I am so valuable that God sent his only son to die on the cross so that I could have a relationship with Him. He knew every bad thing I would ever do. Still, He chose to die so that I might live. Who does that? I mean, THAT is Amazing Love. A love so deep and pure that I don't even fully understand it.
John 3:16
For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
How could you ever return a love so true? You really can't. The best that you can do, and all that He asks for, is to love him with all that you have.
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.
When my purpose in life is shifted from self to Christ, things look so much brighter. When I am committed to loving him by serving others, my whole perspective changes. I am not always consistent in this practice, but it is my ultimate goal.
Our purpose is to love others like we love ourselves. That is a foreign concept in this Me centered world.
Mark 12:30-32
30 "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’No other commandment is greater than these.”
If I would keep my eyes on God and focus on His purpose for my life by sharing His love with others, I am convinced that my depression and selfish desires would be only a distant memory. It isn't easy to put the things we know and believe into practice. It is especially hard when the world around us is telling us that is ok to elevate yourself and your desires above anything else. Nobody likes to deny themselves. As a Christian, that is exactly what He commands us to do. Luke 9:23 tells us that if anyone wants to follow Him, they must deny themselves, and take up their cross daily. New trials come every day, but He is always there. With each new sunrise, He gives us a chance to honor Him with our lives. I know that I will still fall short, but that doesn't mean I should give up and stop trying. I will be a work in progress until I die. Only when I get to Heaven will I truly be all that He created me to be. In the meantime, I am going to take it day by day and make every effort to show him just how much I love Him. I am not perfect and will still fail at times, but because of all that He has done for me I will never give up trying.
I am willing to let go of me so that I can hold on tighter to Him.
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